I think it’s pretty obvious what I have to be thankful for this year.
One year ago, I was in the first trimester of pregnancy and headed to Founding Farmers for Thanksgiving dinner since the smell of any cooking food turned me three shades of green. I had just found out I was gestating multiples. I cannot overstate the level of fear and anxiety that filled my every atom. Ed and Nikki can attest to my stupified expression as I kept repeating, “I can’t do this.”
Even today, there are times when both the babies are crying and I cannot meet their needs fast enough that for a split second I think as I did then, “I don’t know whether I can do this.” But I can, and day after day, I do.
Somewhere in the crucible of agony that I dwelt in from the first contractions at 18 weeks to their birthday at 35.5 weeks, amid the thousand burning prayers for their safety, a resolve of iron was forged within my heart. Since then, I’ve known that if the Lord saw fit to deliver them to me alive and whole there would be nothing, not one thing I wouldn’t do for them, nothing I wouldn’t endure for them, nothing I would shrink from for their sake.
Last weekend as I finished feeding Salty in the passenger seat of my car outside a BBQ joint in Maryland, I took a moment just to look at him. He stared at me with a soft smile for a long while, his big dark eyes sparkling under those ridiculously long lashes. I realized that I am almost his entire world. His acquaintance is very small, he is not widely traveled, his main interests are nursing, biting things, spitting up and jumperoo, he loves mommy more than anything he has ever known, and I make him so, so happy. How rare and precious that someone you love so completely loves you back with the same ferocity, and that you both make each other happier than you’ve ever been.
The spell was broken when Kent opened the door to help me switch to Peppers. A woman whom I hadn’t noticed sitting in the car next to us rolled down her window to tell Kent, “I was just watching your little baby look at your wife. It was the sweetest most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. A girl could do worse, I tell ya.”
It has been a tough and wonderful year. In the hours of my greatest need, so many friends and family were there proving themselves true and faithful. I have the best husband, the best daughter, the best sons, the best friends, and the best family.
To have one such child as my little Fluffy is a blessing beyond all gratitude. To have three such children with me for Thanksgiving this year is an embarrassment of riches that humbles me to the dust. I meet another Thanksgiving Day with a heart more full of gratitude and awe than it has ever been in my life.
A girl could do worse, I tell ya.