My self-concept is that I am innately this warm, friendly, kind person who is just deeply nice–but who, due to circumstances beyond my control, has been in a bad mood for the past 6 years and is constantly acting out of character.
Still I operate under the assumption that all that is about to change. I’m always convinced that just as soon as things get a little easier, as soon as I get past whatever happens to be my latest crisis, as soon as the kids get a little older, then my true colors will shine through! Then my family and everyone else will suddenly get a chance to see what a lovely person I actually am.
I’ve been operating on this philosophy for 6 years now, and I’m sick of it. How sad that people can meet me now and have no clue that I’m a nice person.
What I really want to learn to do is to be warm and friendly even in the daily trenches. I want to figure out how to be kind and nice even when my kids are punching my buttons with both fists.
A few weeks ago, Flufferella had a playdate with a new girl, and when she came back she had this to report.
Fluffy: You know, So-and-so’s mom is not ugly. I like her face. But, she just…never smiles.
Me: Well maybe she has a lot to worry about, did you ever think of that? Huh? Huh? Maybe she’s just so busy trying to keep her family’s life afloat that she forgets to smile. It’s no picnic being a mom, you know.
Fluffy: I know. I just wish she would smile like you do and be silly sometimes. I’m glad I have a mom who smiles all the time.
Maybe there’s hope for me after all.