When someone tells you you look like a Wagnerian mezzo, it’s only a compliment if you are a Wagnerian mezzo. I was indeed singing Wagner for an audition today, so phew! I was kind of exhausted from being up in the night tying back Flufferella’s hair and rubbing her back for the hour it took her to go from feeling sick to regurgitating in a bucket. Working mom stuff.
Anyway, I wanted to share that I’m not afraid anymore. I used to get terrible, debilitating stage fright. Lately, I’m cool. I still get nervous, but at least I’ve reached that stage where I feel like I’ll live whether the performance is good or bad, and hey, it will probably be pretty good. I can’t tell you how much better it is to go in with those thoughts instead of Liz Lemon’s internal monologue, “Stop sweating! What’s wrong with you? You stupid @&$&@!!!”
And after three and a half years of panic attacks, I can finally drive on the freeway again!! I’ve been working on it for a while, but it’s really since October that I stopped having the freeway PTSD from my incident all the way back when I was pregnant with the twins. Honestly I can’t high five myself enough for getting over my freeway thing. It was so embarrassing for so long.
I could write a cut and paste version of my life that made me look like a stunningly brave hero, or another version that made me look like a coward and a quitter. We’ve all done both kinds of things, at different times, right? I will say I feel very brave and confident right now. I also feel scrappy and hungry and ready to claw my way into the next opportunity I’m woefully under qualified for. Here’s the best part: I love me when I’m like this.
I love this little guy, too, but I ask you, how can anybody sleep like this? And why? Why?