After reading me an interminable list of things Kent wants for Christmas (he has been compiling it all year):
Kent: And I also need some more of my Guilty cologne. The one you don’t like.
Me: I know it well.
Kent: It’s not that you don’t like it. You just think I use too much of it.
Me: You do use too much of it, and I don’t like it.
Kent: Be sure you get the right kind. It’s Gucci Guilty Something. Or maybe just Guilty. There’s Guilty, and Guilty Something, and Guilty Something Else. Make sure you get the one I used to have.
Me: I’ll just smell them all until I find the one I don’t like.
This brilliant plan failed. Turns out I don’t like Guilty, Guilty Black or Guilty Intense. They’re all overpoweringly sweet. But I found the old bottle. It’s just plain Guilty.
Decorating my bedroom tree with Fluffernutter, we both start doing Tim Gunn accents.
Fluffy: Come on, designers, we’ve got to dress the tree.
Me: I’m responding very positively to this tree. Make it work!
Fluffy: You mean, quote-unquote, make it work.
Me: Quote-unquote? Where did you learn that?
Fluffy: Dad taught me.
Normally, I get jealous when any of the kids go through a Daddy phase. But sometimes it’s pure awesome.
Peppers: I want Dad to change my diaper. (YES!)
Peppers: I want Dad to give me some lunch. (SUPER!)
Peppers: I want Dad to put me to bed. (SCORE!)
Coughing up a lung in the middle of the night
Peppers: I want Daddy to give me some medicine, not you! (PERFECT! Zzzzzzz….)