Footmen Forever is my new motto! In my continuing effort to make my life appear more glamorous than it is, we threw a pre-New Year’s party which was Downton Abbey themed this year. For the occasion, I hired some earnest young men to wait at table. I knew I’d struck gold when they both showed up 20 minutes early in matched tuxes, practicing their English accents and eager to do the best footmanning job imaginable.
They answered the door, took coats, served “bubbly” in flutes on a tray, announced dinner, served three courses and drinks, and even scraped and stacked the plates! Then they hung out in the kitchen making themselves sick on ice cream and soda while the Lords and Ladies cracked Vintage White (the Mormon version of “off-color”) jokes in the drawing room. It was Downton Abbey, so the footmen probably made out a little bit, but whatev’s.
About those zombies, Kent and I were a disaster. I had spent the previous day in bed too sick and dizzy (nope, not pregnant) to do much of anything, so I had pawned off a lot of the cooking on the guests. This was a great move, as all of them to a man did an magnificent job on their dishes. I did truly enjoy the party, and I wasn’t as dizzy as the day before, but I was sapped and zapped. I felt like I was a big hunk of metal and the earth was a giant magnet gluing me down upon itself. Yes, I am aware that’s basically how gravity works. This is a metaphor, people.
I so wanted everyone to have a good time–and to totally outshine that party that half the guest had been to the night before and kept mentioning. I mean, not like I cared, though. Not like I even thought about it the whole night while they kept building on last night’s jokes that you had to have been there for. Psh!
Kent who has replaced 97% of his sleeping time with coughing for the past 3 nights was in even worse shape. I know because he wasn’t being funny, and that’s unlike him. I essentially married Kent because he was funny. I mean, there a lot of excellent reasons to marry Kent Kemeny, and those reasons have been well appreciated by many a Kent fan before me and since. What really tipped the scales, however, was that he makes me squirt milk out my nose, and I knew I would be proud at parties to survey the milk squirting out of everyone’s noses and think, “That’s my man.” Last night I glimpsed the Ghost of Kent Kemeny Past slumping over his paper too sick and weak to come up with anything for Game of Things and I knew, I knew without a shadow of a doubt, I knew like you know that the snow is cold and Clive Owen is hot, that that man was going to ask me to sub for his Sunday School class in the morning.
In auditions and even performances, singers will make a big deal about how they’re so sick, and they’re singing with half a voice and so forth. And you’re supposed to say, “Wow, your full voice must be incredible” and judge them on this imagined version of what that healthy voice might sound like. Not like I’ve ever done that. I mean, some people do it. Not me. Unless it’s totally true. Anyway, what I’m saying is, Kent and I are way super funnier, wittier and more entertaining than we were last night.
Menu and guest list after the pictures.
Prom 2012. Or is a choir outfit reunion? Jenni, what I meant to say in that long and tortuous voice mail message was, “I just don’t want you to think that you are at the end of the table of my heart.” There.
You can almost see the white chair ribbons with red damask flocking that were once nicely tied on the chairs in this shot.
I got mine here. I use them every year some way or another.
- Mediterranean Dip with Pita Chips
- Crusty and Parker House Rolls
- Frisee Salad with Feta, Oranges, Cranberries and Candied Walnuts
- Balsamic Braised Short Ribs, I kind of make this up adding a little Balsamic, a little Famous Dave’s Rich & Sassy BBQ sauce, a littler tamarind paste…
- Mashed Potatoes
- Roasted Sweet Potatoes with Lime and Chives (the first batch just according to recipe was nice, but a little soggy. Now I make it without water or sugar.)
- Acorn Squash Wedges with Cilantro-Chili Vinaigrette (5 star. Yum.)
- Trio of Ice Creams – Passion Fruit, Orange-Raspberry, Spiced Blueberry
- Chocolate Mousse
- Lady Alexandra Cannondale, Dame of Uppitywick
- Sir Brigham Cannondale, Knight of Uppitywick
- Duke Kentworth Kemeny, Duke of Fiscalcliff
- Duchess Heathergrafen Crawley, Duchess of Fiscalcliff
- Lady Sariah Lunstonford,Countess of Gryffindor
- Lord Toddsfield Ethington IV, Earl of Merl
- Lady Martha Ethington, Countess of Merl
- Sir Ryan Taylor, Baronet of Buckle
- Dame Megan Taylor, Dame of Buckle
- Lady Angela Jensenbridge, Viscountess of Authenticifax
- Lord Peter Jensenbridge, Viscount of Authenticifax
- Lady Jennifer Crawley, Marchioness of Renfairley
- Lord Jeremy Taylor VII, Marquess of Renfairley