or is it Breaking Dawn? Something like that. Since the boys are fully night weaned, I took the opportunity to see the midnight opening of you know what. Now, let’s be clear that I enjoyed the first book and the first movie, and I do love me some premier with a theater full of fanatics. Let us also be clear that the fourth book was horrible and the fourth movie drew laughter for all the wrong reasons even from the aforementioned theater full of fanatics.
I was worried the final book wouldn’t hold together as a movie, but the producers/director made no attempt to make it hold together as a movie! They embraced the suck (pun) with open arms and made a long episode of The Bachelor meets Kim Kardashian’s fairytale wedding. They have left no teenage girl’s cliched fantasy unturned in this one. Music video montage after music video montage interrupts what can only loosely be called a plot. I give them credit for making Kristin Stewart look horrifyingly bad when pregnant. She is still the best looking person in the house though. After all this time the makeup for the vampires is still thick, grey and distracting. The Cullens were supposed to be mesmerizingly attractive not mesmerizingly hideous.
In short, I enjoyed myself as one does at these things. What I loved best about the first book is that it did capture the authentic teenage crush experience. There is nothing authentic about the fourth movie. What bothered me most was that a combination of the acting, the makeup, the special effects and the artificial, forced conflicts in the plot made it impossible for me to suspend disbelief for any length of time. I never got lost in anything. For all two hours I was painfully conscious that I was watching a poor movie with other people who were rooting for it to be good and trying not to be disappointed or embarrassed by how bad it actually was.
Did I mention I refused to read the name Renesme in my mind when I read the book? I think I pronounced her “Ren” every time it popped up in the text.