I have a friend who waits to do all his Christmas shopping until Christmas Eve. What fresh lunacy is this? Doesn’t he know the really cool stuff is sold out 3 days after Thanksgiving? Which is also approximately the time Todd Ethington starts telling us what we should have purchased when it was available. Waiting until the last minute to shop for Christmas would be like waiting until you’re 50 to get married, then looking around and saying, “Alright, who’s left?”
Which is exactly what I did this year (the shopping part). Remember those Dune Racers I bought for the kids to get some use out of the new backyard? Yeah. They’re being delivered NEXT MONDAY! And every store within a 50 mile radius is sold out of them, so no luck fixing that. Looks like Santa’s big phenomenal surprise is going to be mom and dad’s lame, belated whoops. Thank goodness my kids aren’t greedy. Fluffy’s letter to Santa asked for 1) a notebook to use as a diary, 2) a Furreal pet, and 3) a ton of candy. And the boys asked for “presents!” Looks like they are still getting exactly what they wanted. Fluffy is getting only a metaphorical ton of candy, though.
I do feel bad for phoning in my procurement committee duties this year and procrastinating way beyond what was reasonable. So unlike me. This can never happen again. Unless it does. No! As Zurg is my witness, 2015 is going to be a totally fantastic story of premeditated Christmas wonder, just you wait! This year, I did a lot more singing and teaching. I even took a quick trip to NYC to sing for the inimitable Jennifer Lane who concurred with a couple other opinions that it’s Wagner all the way now.
And 2014 may not be a total fail either. I do have stuff. I even made one death-defying trip to the mall this week. While I was shopping, a boy was playing with a pair of Tinkerbell wings. “Those aren’t for you. Those are for girls. Those are for Isabella,” his father said so we could all hear him and wouldn’t think he actually let his strapping boy play with girl dress up stuff. “You’re a boy. You need to pick up swords and guns.” I wondered what he would think if he knew the Anna and Elsa dolls I bought are for my sons. They are going to LOVE them.
Also, can you get mesothelioma from breathing too much powdered sugar? Because I’m pretty sure I did.